I don’t know if its just me, but the start of the year feels like it was ages ago now.  Between Google announcing a massive u-turn on its China policy following a “sophisticated attack” and launching its google nexus one, to the incessant hype about apple’s tablet and of course not forgetting the aftermath of the earthquake in Haiti (if you want to help financially http://www.dec.org.uk/), where the pictures have been utterly horrific and I dread to think what the situation on the ground has been like (with predictions of over 250 000 people dead, which is around the population of Belfast City).  In many ways it rightly shadows our trivial day to day issues, and the devastation will be felt long after the tv, the media and the world’s attention has been diverted away by things like economies and terrorism.

Away from the international scene, locally the weather dominated the month with much snow and ice.  Whilst at home, I succeeded in missing much of it.  Glasgow though wasn’t so lucky, caked in snow, and layered with ice, making walking anywhere a challenge to keep your balance and not totally wreck yourself.  The nights as they say in Belfast were “baltic”, though thankfully temperatures have risen and the ice has now gone.  At the time living in totally roasting hospital accommodation was greatly received.

And to bring things into my own little world, the month has seen its own mini battles and some study for exams next month, by the time the I get the next blog post constructed i’ll only have 2 days of osce’s to go.  Currently, i’m a bit overwhelmed by the sheer volume of stuff that could be learned, various drugs, copious conditions, bountiful pathologies and a cacophony of investigations; and your right, I don’t feel confident that I know enough!  Actually confidence I often think is the main thing I lack.  I’ve lost count of the times patients have said to me, your so anxious, or the times i’ve choked when being asked questions by doctors or asked to present things.  I’ve yet to get this idea that i’m now a grown up, and can fight and hold my own position, rather than always capitulating to teachers or those more senior.  I can have my own opinions and reasoning, so long as I can justify it, and justify it with confidence.  So yea, for next month I need to find or discover some confidence, or do as a consultant this block stated “we are like monkeys in the circus, and actors on the stage – we need to act, to perform as if we know we’re confident, even when we aren’t”.

So yea, next month promises to be a delightful challenge!  But before running ahead with those thoughts, kinda need to pass this block which has been a challenge due to botched presentations and case reports not living up to my educational supervisors expectations.  One step at a time, what will be, will be.  Until next month!

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